The WORSE day yet

Four days ago was the worse day since I had my surgery. It wasn't because my throat, ears, and mouth were in agony from pain. It wasn't because I couldn't eat, breathe or swallow. No, it was something far worse. It was the day I tried to eat a Fudge Round and failed.

This doesn't sound like that big of a thing. But if you knew me, knew the many Fudge Rounds I have eaten with delight, the way I had to upgrade from the small ones to the large ones, knew the way I had to buy the family value box, or the scary way I guarded them then you would understand.

Fudge Rounds are my kryptonite. The reason I get up in the morning! They are gooey, chocolately and delightful! Eating one is, as my friend Mikey would say,like an angel shitting in your mouth!!(because nothing bad can ever come out of an angel) They are better than an orgasism!

I think you get the point.

So, the other day I felt a lot better. I was taking Aleve for the pain instead of the usual baby aspirin. I had tackled many different kinds of foods. I was on a roll. I decided it was time to resume our love affair. Enter my beloved Fudge Rounds and DIASTER.

Instead of delightfullness, I tasted disgustingness. Instead of lovely, soft sweet fudge there was bland, weird tasting toughness. What happened?? How could Fudge Rounds forsake me in this manner?

As it turns out my operation and lack of real food were the culprits. My mouth and throat muscles had been scraped and unused for a week so everything was tough. Also, apparently eating trims our taste buds back and allows us to taste things the wayt we do. When you limit what you eat to soft food or liquids your taste buds are allowed to grow out and things taste differently.

Well, shit. I guess I won't be having Fudge Rounds for awhile then. I don't want a repeat performance of this fiasco. I'll have to wait until I can eat properly again and my muscles heal up. Afterall, I want to wait until I can give them the proper culinary experience they deserve.

RIP Fudge Rounds
I miss you :(

Ahhhhhh, a whiny one

Still in lots of pain. Can't wait for next week. Hopefully I will feel better then. Between nausea, pain, and hunger I am reaching the end of my patience. The pain meds make me feel nauseous and sick. No eating makes me feel sick but it hurts to eat. Then I need more meds and the cycle starts again. All I can think of is food but I can't have most of the stuff I want or the thought of what I can have makes me feel sick. I realize I'm whining but I need to get it out. I read two more books and managed to watch a movie so those were distractions. I have good moments and bad moments throughout the day but I seriously can't wait until its all behind me. I keep trying to tell myself that. Chin up and just keep swimming. Sometimes its hard. At the doctors today they said that my tonsils were swollen up inside my skin and down into my throat. So they really had to work to get them out. I can tell.

monday reading, follow fridays, surgery

Wow, I haven't been around in a while. Things have been crazy between moving, a mini vaca with the bf, and surgery.

I wanted to do the follow friday thing but didn't have time. I promise to take a look at everyones blog who is following me. Thanks for all the comments from everyone. They were very much appreciated!

As for Monday what are you reading: I have been reading Sand Daughter by Sarah Bryant for the last two weeks. Its a good book but I've been to distracted to really pick it up and give it a good read. Now that things are slowing down I think I can start getting back into reading.


__________________________________________________________________________________
I had my tonsil surgery yesterday. What an experience that turned out to be! They gave me to much anesthesia and it made me sick. Apparently, the taking out of my tonsils went fine (they were disgusting and huge but easy to remove) but the rest of it was a doozy. You are supposed to recover for two hours, have your iv removed and then be sent home. For me they tried to do this but when I couldn't even stand up or walk and felt nauseous they immediately put another iv in, gave me a shot of anti-nausea meds and made me rest there for another couple hours. Eventually, I felt well enough to go home but it took 2 more false starts to make it.

Once home, I went to bed immediately but woke up in severe pain. I had a panic attack and then couldn't keep anything down (meds, water, ginger ale) because it kept making me sick. I went back to bed and woke up with a migraine the second time. Eventually, I woke up, got some meds and water down, started feeling better, stayed up and ate some broth. Then I was able to watch some tv and start reading my book. I also started drinking water every 15 minutes and that helped immensely!!

I didn't think that is was going to be this bad. I am still in a lot of pain but slowly doing better. My lip was split during surgery and that's healing. My entire face and neck were swollen but I think that is starting to recede as well. I still have problems opennign my mouth and chewing and eating solids is a big NO right now. I hope that I bounce back soon and get over this because at the end of the month I start my new job and I am really excited about that.

Ying and Yang or Catch up on Days of Happiness

Day 5 Thursday, Jan 28th

Happy: Getting to leave work early and fly home for my friends wedding!
Sad: Bad turbulence on the airplane when landing. (Flying makes me sweaty palms nervous and being thrown around wasn't helping)

Day 6 Friday, Jan 29th

Happy: I got to go shoppiong with my best friend and hang out with her alone. (She is my best friend for a reason. She makes me laugh and really understands me.)
Sad: Finding out I would have to pay a shit ton of money to the hospital to get my tonsils removed. (Day stay, Anesthesia, pre surgery testing, pathology lab)

Day 7 Saturday, Jan 30th

Happy: I got to wake up next to my bf and spend the day with him. This included hanging out with B and going to my favorite restaurant.
Sad: Finding out I couldn't go to the wedding I had been excited about for months because of the snow. (The one I bought a $200 plane ticket for) Also, getting in a major fight with my mother over it and other things.

Day 8 Sunday, Jan 31st

Happy: Eating at a Long John Silvers for the first time in a long time.
Sad: Having to leave C behind to go back to Alabama (one of my least fav places right now).

Day 9 Monday, Feb 1st

Happy: Waking up snug and warm in my bed under a pile of blankets.
Sad: Finding out C had a seizure and passed out right before his surgery. Feeling worried about him all day and wishing I could see him.

Tonsils and Feelings, Oh My!

These are from Design Sponge. I would love to have a bedroom with these windows:

I can't think of anything better than to be able to lay in bed on a spring day with these windows open reading a book.

This bookcase also makes me happy:


I love how the plant becomes part of the design. I have a million bookcases somewhere in storage including one my granddad made me years ago.




I didn't even know this was a condition. Apparently my bf has it. I didn't know til his regular old tonsilectomy turned into a passing out, seizure filled afternoon.

Speaking of tonsils- mine come out on March 8th. The surgery is scary enough not to mention the bills are going to be enormous. I will not be surprised if the hospital asks for my first born to pay off my debt.



Wondering why I got so upset at my mother this weekend. I wasn't aware that I was harboring bitter feelings towards her. Not sure if it was her or the release of pent up frustration and unhappiness for so long. Worried about the amount of money I am going to be owing soon.

Right now I am adrift in the numbness that comes after a good meltdown. Not sure what I want to do or where I am headed but atleast the feelings of being trapped and frustrated/angry are gone.

Scoliosis Surgery

I felt like writing this down as an exercise in looking back at the past and analyzing it through adult eyes. It's very different as compared to the way I view it all now. Also, I don't think that I wrote anything down then and this is sad. This is a way to fix that I guess. It is in no way complete.


Part of my story:
I had a double curve that was discovered by my ballet teacher when I was 12 and then fully discovered by an x-ray for pneumonia when I was 14. I was sent to Shriners Children Hospital in Philadelphia for consultation. After they revealed I had severe curves in both the upper and lower parts of my back, they told me I needed a brace or surgery. I wore a brace for about a year, at night and hated it. It stopped my curve from advancing but was very uncomfortable.
I was ashamed of my condition at this point. I have no idea why-I just was. Maybe because people were putting me in the crippled category and I didn't see myself that way.

They gave me the option for surgery and I went for it. It was performed by one of the best spinal surgeons in the country and Shriners had the best care and support of any hospital I've ever been to. I was determined to be out of there though and I was told that walking would get me there. So the day of my surgery I got out of bed and walked across the room.

I continued to do this until they sent me home. It was crazy and it took awhile to heal. Thanks to 12 years of ballet I had more flexibility than I should have and I pushed the envelope to do things so I could heal faster. There were setbacks- I cried when they pulled the bandages off for the first time and the first time I took a shower. There were limitations to what I could and couldn't do, there are still a few nevers, but it was the best decision I ever made.


Injury Series-Scoliosis Neckalce by Slashpile on Etsy

weird

So the other night I had a dream that I had to have my scoliosis surgery again. Only this time I was terrified and in lots of pain. It was a big mess and I was very upset, I wish I could remember that time but it is blurred for me in the past.
I remember having a dream before I had the surgery that the surgery was over and I couldn't remember anything about it. I suppose that's where I am in my life now. I hope my new dream has to do with reading all about the latest findings in scoliosis surgery and not because it is a harbinger.


For those who don't know about this process. An excerpt from Kids Health.org explaining about the surgery:

Braces often do the job, but some kids who have scoliosis eventually need an operation. Someone who gets this operation will be given anesthesia, a kind of medicine that puts a person to sleep and prevents pain during the operation. During the operation, the orthopedic surgeon fuses the bones in the spine together so that they can no longer continue to curve. The surgeon also uses metal rods, hooks, screws, and wires to correct the curve and hold everything in line until the bones heal. The metal parts are placed deep under the spine muscles, and in most cases can't be felt and do not hurt. They are meant to be left in the back permanently.

The operation takes several hours, depending on how big the curve is and how many bones need to be fused. Normally, a kid who has this operation will be able to get out of bed the next day and start to walk, doesn't need to wear a cast or brace, and can usually go home in less than a week. The kid can usually go back to school about a month after surgery, then return to some activities in 3 or 4 months, and most normal activities after 6 to 12 months. But keep in mind that each patient's surgery and recovery might be different, depending on the type of surgery and the patient's age.

A metal rod in a kid's back? It may sound strange, but that rod has an important job while the bones are growing together. It holds the spine in place during healing. The kid can still move to pet the dog, swim laps, or shoot hoops. After the bones fuse, the metal rod isn't needed anymore. But it's not hurting anything, so it isn't removed. To remove it would mean getting another operation. Before they used metal rods, a kid would have to wear a body cast for up to a year to keep the spine in place during the recovery period. No fun at all!

It's really not so bad once you get through it. I didn't have to wear a brace afterwards at all. My recovery is hard for me to remember now but I know there were moments of extreme pain. All in all though I am extremely happy i had it done.