Jen's favorite quotes

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."— Marilyn Monroe

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Highs and Lows

So my mom thinks I am depressed. I think she's right. I'm not eating or sleeping right and I just don't have the energy for anything. I can't seem to get out of this funk. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am trying to get rid of negative vibes in my life. Work was so stressful right before I left and I just couldn't take it. I came home for a vacation and its like those negative vibes followed me right back here. Between my friends and my boy I don't know what's going on. People just don't seem to have the time for me and I can't seem to find the energy for them. I'm going back to Jekyll early to escape these vibes but I am afraid they'll follow me right back. I'm so sick of this A Team vs. B Team crap. Grow up people we're not fifth graders. I don't understand why people want to be like that. I'm not a Buddhist or anything like that but I do believe in karma. I try so hard to send out positive vibes and happy stuff but all this negative energy is killing what little energy I do have. I just don't know how to fix myself anymore.

So I am back and never happier. Although as it turns out as soon as I got out on the road my friends started calling me. Where are you? Why did you leave already? What are you doing tonight? But here makes all the difference. I am sure once the kids come back it might be wrose. I might be depressed again and feeling screwed over. Now though? I feel like I belong with a great group of girls who like to hang out and chill. Just doing the things I would normally do at home and be antisocial by doing I can do here with a group of people. Most of the time that's what they are already doing. I love it.

D called and we made up so I guess that's over. She had some news about my ex ex bf. What an asshole. He's pissed I didn't give him my new number. After 5 months of him not picking up the phone, calling, or returning phone calls, 4 months of me not even having a phone, and then 3 months of having this new phone its only now he realizes that I've changed my number. Maybe if he was a better friend he would have known before now. He has the nerve to bitch about me not being a good friend cause I didn't tell him about the new phone. Jerk.

Definately feeling better though. The karma here is good. I hope it stays this way. I feel we have weeded out the negative influences and now things should be a lot better. It's a good time to start over.

I haven't talked to my boy in forever but oh well. He was starting to get on my nerves anyway. Plus, he didn't have time for me even though he knew break was the only time I'd ever get to see him. You know since he's moving across the country and all.

I can hear the ocean outside the door. It's so soothing and peaceful as I write this. I really couldn't be happier right now.